Dating has taught me a lot about the way that people experience emotions. One of the most amazing realizations I made was that a lot of people (both men and women) force themselves to care about people they do not truly care about, leading to disingenuous emotions and, ultimately, a disingenuous relationship.
Most people equate this type of fake love with something sinister, as though someone is pretending to love someone in order to get something from them. I don't think that's the case. I think people convince themselves they need to care about someone for a variety of reasons, including:
- · Obligation - "He loves me, so I should love him."
- · Rationalization - "This is the kind of person I have always wanted."
- · Ignorance - "I feel more than I did about my previous partner so it must be love."
Even this may be simplifying it, because I'm a firm believer that the majority of people don't critically think about their relationships or make decisions that are best for their mutual future. Still, the idea is that people can believe or act like they love someone without love really being there for reasons that are not meant to be evil or manipulative.
This is a problem. No one wants to be fake loved. They want to be truly loved by someone that is always going to love them. But it's hard to tell the difference when the other person looks and acts as though they love their partner. That's why, in general, I look for these signs:
- · Grooming - Couples that seem to have a lot of real affection tend to groom their partners, even without realizing it. They may fix their hair, pick gunk off their eyes, wipe hair off their shoulders, or any number of potential grooming behaviors. This is a primal behavior that often isn't controlled, and a good sign that the person has real affection for their partner.
- · Eyes - Real smiles and real happiness come from the eyes, not from the mouth. If the eyes don't seem to be laughing or smiling along with your partner's lips, either they aren't as happy on the inside or your jokes aren't very funny.
- · Creating Distance - When you experience real love, you make eye contact with your partner often, touch them constantly, and reduce distance between you. When you experience fake love, you kiss without ever making eye contact, rarely sit close in un-romantic situations, and find any excuse to let your hands touch.
It's not scientific, but it's been pretty effective. It's important to be open-minded, because these aren't guaranteed signs of fake love, and if you assume they are it may be a self-fulfilling prophecy. But paying attention to little things like this can tell you if your relationship is real, or if it is something else.
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