I am trying to figure out if the man I married is abusive or if I am not being a good enough wife.

I am trying to figure out if the man I married is abusive or if I am not being a good enough wife. Since getting married I have realized he drinks daily before coming home. He buys alcohol and hides how much he drinks. Comes home and falls asleep after dinner and sometimes before. He denies he has an alcohol problem, will not get help and will not quit. Anytime I try to ask him for help he is passive aggressive. Usually will say yes to doing it but then sits down, doesn’t do it and sometimes does later and sometimes forgets.

When I try to tell him how I am feeling he can get very unkind with his words and state all I do is complain. If he is upset I get the silent treatment. Now he is trying to get others to judge me because I moved my bedroom to an extra room in the house to prevent the arguing in front of kids.

He is trying to make me look like I am abusive because of moving my room and because I do at times say unkind words back. He will not tell others how he treats me so tries to make it look like I am the unkind one. I try so hard not to say unkind words but I do get provoked at times. But I never let it go more than a word or two and I make sure it stops by leaving the room or distancing myself until he calms down.

I keep searching websites and the bible on how to be loving to an unloving husband and I just am not figuring this out. We have children and I can’t leave them with their drunk dad so I have to stay until they are grown. Any suggestions?