I am struggling to get over an abusive relationship.

I am struggling to get over an abusive relationship. I have spent months since the end in July trying to figure out what I did wrong. The man I dated for a year is a humanitarian, he is part owner in a consulting firm in Africa. He gives corporate talks about leadership and he seems like a very insightful and kind man. We met in a very romantic comedy way. We ran into each other randomly on the streets of New York after not seeing each other for 10 years. We had an extremely romantic long distance few months, he was open, and caring, loving, and seemingly empathetic. Then we decided to try and live to together. I moved in with him in Africa.
As soon as he bought the tickets for me to move in with him in Africa he suddenly changed the style of his communication with me. However it was subtle, he became emotionally distant. He began belittling me while simultaneously complimenting me. I became extremely confused. He would tell me he loved me if our relationship could be lighter and more fun. He said he wanted to be with me if we could just enjoy ourselves. He said he has never hit anyone except for me. He said our chemistry is bad that’s why he is behaving this way. He would tell me I am worth it but barely speak to me.
He did not yell at me he would become silent. Small things would anger him almost every night, but he would not communicate what those were clearly. He would shut down for an entire evening, sometimes days after a small argument. At the beginning he loved who I was he laughed at our flaws. After he made a commitment by purchasing the plane tickets, he began to act as if I were smaller than him. And my natural insecurities disgusted him. He belittled me, shut me out and silenced me.
I told him over and over I feel like I have tape over my mouth. I told him it feels like I have to prove myself to you. He physically shook me and slapped me. I have spent months feeling that I am at fault because I have a difficult past and know I am not a happy go lucky women. But I am finally starting to realize this is his problem. I love him still so I feel like something is wrong with me. I accepted him for who he was, and I am not sure he realizes his behavior.

My husband was attentive prior to the marriage, and immediately after it changed

I’ve been married 25 years. My husband was attentive prior to the marriage, and immediately after it changed. I ended up accepting that I was the problem. I was too dependent and that his complete independence was the “normal” thing because I came from a divorced family and his parents were together. The first year of our marriage we were apart daily from 4am to 8 in the evening. We were both done with our day by 5 pm, but his priority was not coming home to his wife, it was weightlifting an additional 3 hours a night with his buddies three or more times a week.
Over the years I caught him several times with pornography and went through the whole policing him issue until I realized — with the help of therapy — that I was searching for an excuse as to why he treated me so badly. I thought if I could find out why he was treating me badly I could somehow help the relationship. Now I know that when women want to know why someone treats them badly, they are overlooking the simple fact that abuse is abuse and there is no acceptable cause for it. The why doesn’t matter. The behavior does.
No one should be able to treat you badly for any reason, so policing them to find out if it is a porn problem, cheating problem, etc. only prevents you from seeing that regardless of what is causing it, you are being abused and the cause shouldn’t change your reaction to being abused.
His mother was extremely controlling. She talked me out of the degree I wanted and into a degree that she wanted me to have. She went as far as to say that my degree choice (linguistics) would be useless unless I lived on Wall Street. I gave into her pressure. I wish I had been brave enough to stand up for myself. I did graduate and get the degree, but I am so resentful of her. It’s a degree that requires the use of your hands as well which I can no longer use due to carpal tunnel so I am rendered useless financially when it comes to that degree.
For 25 years my husband will often speak for me if a question is directed at me. I hate that! He has 99% of the time told me what I think when we’re arguing — and it’s never been right. He yells to stonewall when we are in an argument so I will shut up. He has always had an excuse why he can’t spend time with me — school studies, work, busy with anything that he claims is more important.
When we had young children, he did next to nothing to participate in their care, until he was forced to care for the third one due to another child becoming severely ill. It’s the only one he bonded with and he spoils him far more than the others. He is frugal to the point of telling me he doesn’t want me to buy Tostitos because they cost too much or the loaf of bread I prefer (which is not gourmet.) He makes six figures.
He has allowed his parents to cross boundaries and will discuss our finances and what he should do with them without even talking to me. He has called me f’g b—-, crazy, bipolar more times than I can count and a whore once — the only name he ever took back because he knew 100% he couldn’t make me believe that one, but over time you start to believe maybe the others are true.
If one of my sibling’s life was messed up, he was bound to use that against me too as if I were them. He has put his hands around my neck three times, grabbed my wrists multiple times — leaving marks — wouldn’t let me enter the house through garage door which meant he was pushing me down the three or four concrete steps and I had to grab the door frame to prevent myself from falling. He has pushed me into the window blinds, chased me down the stairs when I tried to get away from him. The last time he pushed me, he used the excuse that I was going for him, which was 100% false. I had no intention of going for him. I was sitting down on the bed. He was standing.
Because he’s put his hands on me less than 15 times our whole marriage, I somehow think it’s not justifiable for me to leave and our children are so damaged already that I keep thinking divorce will damage them even more. My adult children now share some of his abusive behaviors and I am sick about it. When we are with the kids, he will patronize me and he’s now able to get them in on the action because he disguises it as teasing or sarcasm so they think it’s benign. He didn’t discipline the kids at all or have any expectations of them, though he yelled at them plenty when they were young, — including when one of them cut their head open in a pillow fight. Rather than comfort them, he was busy yelling, “You have to be careful!!!” and various other phrases designed to let them know how stupid they were for doing that.
We have one child left in the home. He says he can’t hear me when I’m talking to him or that I need to approach him and say, “Hey, I’d like to communicate.” He wants me to point out to him that I’m conversing with him even with conversations had in passing. So every conversation (informal or not) must be preceded by asking him if we can communicate, otherwise he says he has no idea I’m talking to him.
However, when my daughter and I talk alone in the room downstairs, he will get up from his desk upstairs and come downstairs to butt into our conversations. He won’t allow us to have a conversation without his presence. He says he just wants to be included, but why is it he wants to be included in our conversation while he completely disregards the conversation I have with him or pretends not to know I’m talking to him? These conversations occur in the same areas of the house. He can hear my daughter but not me? Really?
He will come in the door from work and say hello and then immediately begin talking to one of the children as if I don’t exist. This would be fine if it weren’t his daily pattern to acknowledge me for one second and then act as though I’m the most uninteresting of the bunch by ignoring me. He’s even interrupted face-to-face conversations with him and begun talking to one of my other children right when I’m in the middle of a sentence. He has no time to talk to me, but he has plenty of time to research for a couple of hours how to write a referral letter for a female colleague.
Yet in the past he complained about anything that took him away from doing what he wanted. Now he’s all too happy to do it. I must admit that issue is causing me a lot of angst. At church, he’s acting like a saint. This makes me want to avoid church because I can’t stand to know that people interpret him as such a religious guy all the while he dishes out abuse and abandonment at home. This has made me feel like the black sheep now in church.
He believes arguments are about winning, so his ultimate goal is to not let me win. I don’t think of an argument as winning or losing. I think of it as understanding and compromising. He’s complained about the frequency of sex since the 2nd year of our marriage, and when the frequency goes up, he complains that he’s bored with it. I feel there is something seriously wrong with him because there is no end to his upping the ante of moves he wants to do and if I’m uncomfortable with something, he doesn’t care. He will continue to nag me about it and then call me names if I don’t concede or begin withholding.
He rarely did anything with his boys unless it was something he wanted to do. If they didn’t want to do what he wanted, he just went without them or didn’t take them at all. He’s done very little with them in the way of father-son time together. Eventually they had no interest in spending time with their dad.
When I have an idea, 99% of the time he will tell me why it’s not a good idea or if I have an opinion, he’s bound to choose exactly the opposite. During the few times he’s asked for and taken my advice, it’s like he has a five-minute limit, and then he shuts me down. My opinions and thoughts are essentially a dart board for him. He will rush to open a door for a woman in public but when we are alone he makes little effort for me.
Though my policing of him has stopped, I don’t believe his porn issues have, the reason being every time I did police him I caught him with porn. He wants me to believe that he magically cured himself of an addiction 20 years old. Of course he’s never admitted he has an addiction. I found out as well that he had this problem before we were married. That would have been helpful prior to the marriage. His parents have crippled all of their children by not teaching them how to survive without them and proud of their own accomplishments. Instead their kids are jealous of gifts or money each one gets from their parents.
I am scared to death of my future. I’m 47 now and I just keep thinking how my cowardice has ruined my life.

I was in a 21 year marriage that slowly developed into a constant cycle of emotional abuse

I was in a 21 year marriage that slowly developed into a constant cycle of emotional abuse. I attributed it to my ex’s dependence on alcohol. And did everything to help him recognise and resolve these issues so that we could have a healthy relationship together. What I failed to know was that the personality beneath was the real issue.
Having children was intended to make him a more responsible partner out of desperation, but backfired badly. I became severely depressed as a result. His abuse was an enduring, constant daily and nightly onslaught.
The last seven years have been unbearable. At one point I considered my own suicide and the death of my two children as a means to escape. But I finally found the strength to end my relationship, although we still shared the same property for a further 5 years. I moved out at the beginning of this year 2015. And it was the best decision I ever made.
These last few months I have been in a new relationship. With a man who started out as perfectly charming. Too good to be true in fact. Overwhelmingly keen to commit. Then aloof. Now cold, crude, selfish and disrespectful. This weekend a friend told me he is cheating on me, so I raise this with him. First denial. Then accusations that I am making it all up. When I raise my overall concerns in his behaviour, he says it’s all in my head. That he has done nothing wrong. That all this bad feeling is down to me. And I realise that I am beginning to not know what is him and what is me any more.
Fortunately I have some great friends who support me and reassure me that this man is abusive. Regardless of the cheating which is word against word, his other behaviours are concerning and enough in itself to end things.
I start a Pattern Changing programme in a few weeks time. I happened to come across SpeakOutLoud when I searched “when unable to trust a partner what is left” and got Tactic #6 Emotional Unkindness and Violation of Trust and then I just kept on reading….
Thank you Clare Murphy for an amazing resource for abuse and the continual personal guidance that you provide through this site. So many of us suffer and continue to suffer. I so want to break the cycle. I lack trust in myself. My radar is broken. But I hope to fix this and very very soon xx

Makes no sense

my husband did this as well and it took me a while to realize that it is because he sees illness as a weakness, and controlling men see you as an extension of them. They in some sick way think they are you, which is why they always tell you what you meant or thought or were going to say even when they are most often wrong. So when you are sick, they somehow think they are sick. Obviously if they deny your illness then they somehow believe it will just go away. If your husband is like mine, he won’t take any advice from anyone. He’ll “jump over dollars to pick up nickels” just to avoid having anyone else tell him what to do. His father was similar. His mother told me that his father got sand in his eyes once at a baseball game and she told him he should put eyedrops in his eyes. Of course, his response was to completely disregard her advice and make her feel stupid for giving that advice at all. Heaven knows if he had put eyedrops in, he must have felt he somehow would be giving up all control over his life. Makes no sense to me whatsoever but that’s how far they go just to maintain control — even over stupid things.

I am trying to figure out if the man I married is abusive or if I am not being a good enough wife.

I am trying to figure out if the man I married is abusive or if I am not being a good enough wife. Since getting married I have realized he drinks daily before coming home. He buys alcohol and hides how much he drinks. Comes home and falls asleep after dinner and sometimes before. He denies he has an alcohol problem, will not get help and will not quit. Anytime I try to ask him for help he is passive aggressive. Usually will say yes to doing it but then sits down, doesn’t do it and sometimes does later and sometimes forgets.
When I try to tell him how I am feeling he can get very unkind with his words and state all I do is complain. If he is upset I get the silent treatment. Now he is trying to get others to judge me because I moved my bedroom to an extra room in the house to prevent the arguing in front of kids.
He is trying to make me look like I am abusive because of moving my room and because I do at times say unkind words back. He will not tell others how he treats me so tries to make it look like I am the unkind one. I try so hard not to say unkind words but I do get provoked at times. But I never let it go more than a word or two and I make sure it stops by leaving the room or distancing myself until he calms down.
I keep searching websites and the bible on how to be loving to an unloving husband and I just am not figuring this out. We have children and I can’t leave them with their drunk dad so I have to stay until they are grown. Any suggestions?

How can a man go from being so perfect to a nightmare in just 4 weeks?

How can a man go from being so perfect to a nightmare in just 4 weeks?
I’ve been seeing a guy 2 years, living with a year.
For the past 7 months every 4 weeks we split up it’s crazy! Starts with him crying / begging me back – promising it won’t happen again – I’m his world – never met any one like me – crazy in love – I’m beautiful etc. etc.
He’s just perfect for 3 weeks then cracks start from him giving me silence treatment – I can feel tension – he will say his piece with an attitude, I will explain in a quiet voice it’s not me it’s you ..
He then raises his voice blaming everything on me, then screaming in my face with gritted teeth – clenching his fist, calling me a c **t and other names – I keep silent not to upset him but that makes him worse – if I say anything that also makes him worse. He’s thrown me about in the past, got in my face in an aggressive manner in front of my kids. Controlling, can’t have friends. He doesn’t like my eldest child coming round I can feel it. And each time I kick him out feel strong he begs – cries – pleads – to start all over again. I feel so drained kicked him out once again blocked him as I always do but he uses other phones. I need to stop this. I know I do, but why am I so stupid to let him back?

People who really love you, when they are alone with you, most of them will often tell you these words.

There are always people complaining in life. There are no good men now. Most of them are idlers. It’s impossible to be with them and let them be with men. It’s better to live alone and live. A relaxed and happy life. This view is very wrong. I can't see the man's merits. I just look at things unilaterally from my own point of view. There are a lot of men with sincerity, maybe people have passed by you, but because you don't know how to cherish, you will miss in the simple world, without retaining people who are worthy of love. Generally speaking, men who truly love you will tell you these words. After you meet them, you must know how to cherish them:
You are a good woman

Love you, but you can only give up on you!

I love you very much, I love you very much, but I can only give up on you...
I think this mood is also suitable for you - you, my dear lover, I can feel your affectionate love for me, however, you have to give up on me...
To be honest, I love you very much, love to the extreme, and love the extent of incorrigible illness. Even, in order to love you can use my life to protect you. However, although this love is so strong, so blazing, so sincere. However, there are some things, even if we love another person, even if we try our best, we can't change it. For example, we all have a family. We all have our own families. We have a companion around us. We all have our own children. We can't change the status quo of this real life: we met too late, we walked into marriage when we didn't know how to love. However, when we understand love, we do not fall in love with each other again...
Not only that, although we love each other deeply, apart from our responsibility to keep up with our children and families, we are also a person with a conscience: we can not build happiness on our other half just for ourselves. To hurt him (her); we are also a person who can't break the moral judgment: we are all afraid that because this love has become a person in other populations who has no moral bottom line and destroys others' families; we are still unable to put it on the shoulders. The person responsible: If we come together, we must give up the child. Think about the child's helpless eyes and the days after we left, there is no longer the courage to pursue love for ourselves.
Perhaps this is the true portrayal of the current state of love for our adults - we have love and have people we truly love. However, sometimes reality does not allow us to ignore the responsibility on our shoulders for love, and does not allow us to disregard the feelings of children and the elderly in pursuit of their own happiness. Even we can't do it to hurt someone who doesn't love but stays with them...
Therefore, in reality, we and love, although at your fingertips, are separated by a distance of 100,000 miles...
Love, falling in love with a person, only requires a blink of an eye. And letting a lover who has already lived in his heart may take us a lifetime.
Maybe, we are not only paying for the rest of our lives to forget the one we once loved deeply, we may have the happiness of our own life - because when we let go of that person, our heart is dead. . Since then, love has nothing to do with us, and my heart is gray...
Love a person, love to the extreme, then, when you have to let go of this person, it is bound to hurt the extreme. It takes courage to let go of a relationship and let go of someone who is deeply in love. However, this courage is the rest of our lives..

There is a kind of love, no marriage, but also care!

Not all love has a result, and not all loved couples can finally make a positive result. Sometimes, I really want to sigh a fate to get people or fate is not enough, why is it only enough to meet the fate of the fate of the encounter?
Always thinking, if you haven’t missed or insisted on a relationship, will the results be completely different now? There is a saying that is very good. Anyone who marries a woman regrets it. Anyone who has married a man regrets it.
Therefore, no matter who is married or who is married, it seems that they are not able to do so. What you haven't got and what you have lost may make you miss your life, but it's really together, maybe not as beautiful as you think. There is a kind of love, no marriage, but also care!
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Some people can miss and be happy.
You will think of a person because of a song or a picture, think of all the past you have, and then sigh that this life is not, can't grow old, can't look at the other day. Maybe you can see it in a few years. When you miss him, you will look at his circle of friends, but after all, I can't make a phone call to him.
Sometimes I think that it is a kind of happiness for someone to miss, but it is much better than nothing in my heart. No matter what the memories of the past are, at least the moment you think of him, the heart is satisfied and gratifying. Your heart will hurt, maybe because there is still love, the life of this love is much longer than you think.
No matter what reason you are in the world of each other, you still have to believe that everything is the best arrangement. Ok, maybe this is just an excuse to make us better. However, obsessing with the past is indeed a harm to yourself.

Provide tips for creating new relationships

It was April, when it was time to enter the university and find a job and a new relationship. This time, I will introduce the main points and measures that often cause trouble when creating a new relationship.
"I feel that I can't get along with my neighbors."
When living in a new environment begins, the voice of people who speak near you becomes anxious. For example, in a new employee's entrance ceremony or training, someone who knows a small face may start talking, or someone who meets at the venue may start talking. When I started this conversation in the next seat, "I want to know if I feel that I can't get along?" "Why can't I say it" "I feel that I can't get along" and think about things, and may become anxious.But in fact, most people who talk next to you don't care about you at all. It's just talking to another person for some minor reason, such as "Because my seat and next door" and "Because I have eyes" instead of "Let's stop talking because it's hard to talk."If you start talking to someone next to you, you will find that they don't remember your impression before starting the conversation. Like this, there are a lot of things that I care about, but not really. If you are brave and try to say it, it will create a new relationship.
Speaking of things, you are a very good person and a common experience.
"If you talk, will you bother?"
When you find colleagues, old people, classmates, etc. in front of you, it may not be that you are just hanging out without doing anything. If you are a company, you will always do some work. If you are at school, you may talk to other students. At that time, the idea that emerged after that was the idea. "Now, it might be annoying to say it?"If this is the case, ask yourself, "Well, if you talk to me, do you think this will be annoying?" For example, when organizing on the desktop, you may be asked: "Sorry, what do I ask you to ask? Question?" When I talked to someone, when I asked: "I'm sorry, I want to go a little more?" Do you think "I am a good friend now"? Many people try to respond to their voices when they are called, and they don't think they are annoying. Changing your position and thinking will give you some courage.
“Even if you speak, it will be ignored/will be ignored”
I greeted, but did not come back. "I am sorry," "I asked a little," but I think everyone has a neglected experience. If you have such an experience, you will think that when you want to talk, you will say, "If you ignore it, I will hate it."However, we did not try to ignore the other party that was actually asked, and in most cases we did not know. For example, when I am busy with work, I think even if I am walking. In this case, you may not even notice that you have been summoned. Similarly, if you are working, you will focus on the task ahead. If you are talking to someone, you will not notice that you have already said it.Therefore, when talking to the other party, it is very important to say "know the other party." In order to know, the voice and size, adjust the eyes of each other, it will be the first one in such as "Hello", "I'm sorry" to attract attention to yourself becomes very important.
"I feel nervous before I speak."
Before I say it, I will feel nervous in various ways. In addition to what I have seen so far, tension can occur in a variety of ways. For example, there may be various fears and tensions, such as "What if you are a terrible person?", "What if you are rejected?" No.I know that before I say this, I think I have a lot of anxiety. If you have such anxiety, you are likely to be aware of those who are willing to talk and cannot speak after 3 seconds.When thinking, "after the simulation..." and "organizing what you said...after" will only cause anxiety. In an actual conversation, even if it is very or not organized, it will be transmitted. If you are brave and increase your voice, the tension before you speak will gradually weaken.
Summary
The first step in building a new relationship is to say it. If you say a lot, you can find someone who can get along with you. Keep in mind the tips here to help build new relationships.

Heavenly rewards, authentic rewardBuddha: Heavenly rewards, authentic reward

There are bound to be lost in life, and gains and losses are the arrangement of heaven. All these things are certain that will happen in your life. Gathering together is the owing of each other. Gathering is just the fulfillment of fate. The Buddha said that the cause and effect cycle, what kind of results will you get when you plant, and only by continuous efforts will you get good results. Heavenly rewards, authentic and rewarding, life must work hard, treat others please be kind!
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Your efforts will be seen in your eyes, and your kindness will be recorded in the reincarnation of destiny. May you be unwilling to live your life, work hard for your life, be kind and sincere, be both bearish and lose, lose things sooner or later. Will come back in another way. Everyone who meets is a kind person, gives warmth, treats everyone with compassion, does not resent everything you have experienced, and only diligence in life can change your situation. Only goodness can bring good luck to you. Life is trying hard to work hard, and the result is actually not important. The process of life must work hard, let the results follow!
Some things will work hard to have hope. Don't give up the goal because of some setbacks. Although life is very bitter, you must firmly believe that life is infinitely possible. Don't lose the advancement because of your laziness. You just try to give other things to God. Don't worry too much about gains and losses. Don't worry about the results. Life is just a journey. I hope that you will work hard and become a big weapon. We can't predict in the future. Now we can decide what is good now. Efforts, not to disappoint everyone you meet in this life, will not easily hurt others, optimistic about your life, get it, lose it, they are just a part of life, don't worry too much If you can have it, treat it with your heart. If you can't have it, let it go.
We are all ordinary people. Most people's achievements are earned by hard work. If you work diligently, you will have the chance to get what you want. God will reward those who are diligent. After the effort, the result is not important. Please follow the instructions, don't complain about life, and are not harsh on others. Be kind to people around you, and being kind to others will be treated well.
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"Dear Devotion" is a burst of friends, revealing three cruel facts about love.

The drama of "Dear Devotion" is a wave of discussion, and the love of Han Shangyan and Jubilee also rises and falls, affecting the audience's thoughts.
In addition to eating dog food, this drama reflects the truth of love and human nature, but it is more worthy of our consideration. The girl has summed up three.
01
The original family determines a person’s view of love
Han Shangyan and Jubilee are completely different in character, depending on their native family. Han Shangyan’s parents died young and lived with his stepmother.
There is no complete family, no father and mother love, even if the stepmother is good to him, his heart is difficult to complete.
Growing up in such a frustrated native family, Han Shangyan is sensitive to inferiority. His appearance is very cold, in fact, the way to protect himself, only this hard and cold shell can make him look strong.
He didn't talk about love at the age of 30, and he has a lot of concern with his personality.
What does love mean? It means opening yourself and exposing your own discomfort and exhaustion to each other.
In addition to this, there is a fusion of life and emotional distraction.
These are the desires of Han Shangyan, but they can't do it.
In the opposite year, she was born in a happy family, her parents' love, good education, and her own strength, which made her heart full of confidence and confidence.
Therefore, in the face of Han Shangyan, in the face of this unreachable idol, she can pursue it in desperation, even if the moth is burning, she can lose.
It is also reasonable for Han Shangyan to fall in love with the Jubilee, because the light and heat in the Jubilee is what he longs for.
His relationship with his grandfather has been a little nervous. Grandpa doesn't understand what he does. He doesn't know how to accept him.
However, in the following year, there was a kind of magic power. The moment of getting along with the grandfather, the gentleness and understanding of the people reflected the Han Shangyan.
It can be said that the following year made up for the missing piece of the Korean business. In the following year, she got enough love from childhood and saw the loneliness and exhaustion of Han Shangyan. She wanted to share it for him.
Although the Jubilee Year is smaller than the Korean business, it actually plays the role of the inner parents of the Korean business. In fact, the original family will affect a person's view of love, and will also affect the direction of love.
02
Women take the initiative to get a chance to be happy
Traditional education always tells women that in love, if you take the initiative, you will lose the price, and men will not cherish it.
This is not the case. Proactive does not mean losing, but you are the leader of the story.
To be honest, I admire the following year, met Han Shangyan, fell in love at first sight, she can face the feelings of her own heart, and strive to pursue what they want.
If the average girl meets her idol, she dares to hide her like in her heart and feel that she is not worthy of it.
However, in the following year, in order to get close to the Korean business, she can often send a message to him not to care if the other party responds. She can find ways to see his game and express her favorite...
In the end of the leap year, she was able to get along with Han Shangyan and get happiness. She deserved it.
I feel that many women should learn from the following year. If they encounter what they like, they will fight for it. If they have won it, there will be no regrets even if they fail.
I never feel that a woman who strives to win herself is cheap, it is brave and powerful.
Many women often imagine that their prince will ride a white horse, but love is not waiting, but is trying to come.
If you encounter a good one, let the other party see your own strengths and express your inner feelings. The rest will be handed over to the other party.
In love, the most fear is regret and miss.
Some time ago, look at the "signal of the heart", in the signal cabin, there are two girls are interested in the same male student, one of the girls is very active, will take the initiative to talk with the other party, will hint at the other party's own mind.
The other girl, just sitting in the corner, silently watching the boy. What is the final outcome?
This boy is of course closer to a more active woman.
In fact, a lot of love is waiting to be spent, women do not always care about initiative and passive, may wish to be brave once and for all, maybe the next Korean business is yours.
03
In love, respect and communication are more important than love.
In this drama, in addition to paying attention to the Korean business and the leap year, I also noticed the pair of Wang Hao and Ai Qing.
Ai Qing loved Wang Hao at first sight, and later entered the team and fought side by side with him.
After the two people were together, they also had a very sweet time. Later, the breakup was because Wang Hao’s predecessor gave birth to a child. Because the child’s ear had problems, his predecessor was unable to raise him, and he brought the child to him. Wang Hao accepted the child without saying anything.
From the father's point of view, Wang Hao is a good father, in order to take care of his daughter, at the expense of his career and life.
But from the perspective of love, he is not responsible enough.
Many years later, Ai Qing recalled this relationship. She said that the breakup was not because Wang Hao had a child, but that Wang Hao had never discussed with her.
In fact, it can be seen that Ai loves Wang Hao very much, but Wang Hao only thinks about himself, but never considers the feelings of love.
In feelings, respect and communication are more important than love.
Imagine if Wang Hao and Ai Qing were negotiating at the time, Ai Qing would accept this child, and two people may have been married, not to the situation today.
In intimate relationships, there will always be some ups and downs, and the most important thing is to let the other party know their own heart and adjust the two people's mode of getting along.
Similarly, if you encounter problems, only communication can reach the end of the solution.
Another is respect, each of us has a need to be respected. In our relationship, if there is anything that will affect our feelings, you have to ask my thoughts, not to go it alone.
In fact, Wang Hao is a good father, but not a good companion. When he accepted the child, he completely ignored the feelings of Ai Qing. Perhaps he also tacitly refused to accept it in his heart. By default, the end of their love, but All this is unfair to Ai.
"Dear Devotion" is not a simple sweet drama. The truth about love is more worthy of our consideration.
The three summed up above: the original family decides the concept of love, the woman will have a greater chance of happiness, the importance of respect and communication in love, I hope you can be inspired.
Love is the most important lesson in life. In this homework, love is the other side, and cultivation is actually our own

8 tips for married couples, don't look regret series8 tips for married couples, don't look regret series

Born for more than 20 years, we met each other in the most beautiful moment of life. From then on, the two entered the palace of marriage and opened the second half of happiness. Life after marriage requires these 8 tips to maintain activity. After reading, you will find which one is the most important.
01
Like protecting your own heart to your partner. Protect love with the same vigilance, because there is a special place in your heart, no one has to enter except your partner. Keeping this space is always an open invitation to receive your partner. Refuse to let anyone or anyone else enter it.
02
Falling in love again and again. You have to choose each other every day, which means that you have to keep a new look for each other. You must take care of your partner's heart. In the process of courtship, I always actively win the love of my partner.
03
What you see is always the best side of your partner. If you only focus on your guess, you will see the polluted side. Focus on you can no longer see anything other than love, no doubt, you will know that you are the happiest person in the world.
04
Fully responsible for your own emotions. You have a responsibility to find your own happiness. Through this happiness, your joy will overflow into your marriage and your love. Controlling your emotions is a minimum respect for each other.
05
It’s fun... don’t take yourself seriously. This may seem too extreme for some people, but if they are together, this is what they have entrusted to each other for the rest of their lives. Why bother to fight for those things that are not face-to-face? Laugh and let your partner laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier... and is a panacea.
06
Do not emphasize money. Money is a game, and the couple need to work together to complete the game. Men don't pay too much attention to individualism, give women a little time to breathe, and women don't want to be too powerful. The economy is yours. When considering how to spend, it is better to think about what the money can be used in the future.
07
Immediately forgive and focus on the present, not as a hostage in the past. Sticking to the mistakes of the past is like the anchor of the forward movement in your marriage. Forgiveness gives freedom to lift the anchor. Release the anchor point and choose love. The most important thing for a husband and wife is tolerance. It is good to see him or her.
08
Forever, always choose love. Finally, this is the only advice you need. If this becomes the accepted principle on which all your choices are based, then nothing can threaten the happiness of your marriage. When the two abandoned everything to love, all the hardships and rumors were not broken.
A good marriage always needs the trust of each other to create, not because of a little trivial matter to make the other party's resentment intensify. Finally, I wish you all a happy marriage and always have the same heart.

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