my husband did this as well and it took me a while to realize that it is because he sees illness as a weakness, and controlling men see you as an extension of them. They in some sick way think they are you, which is why they always tell you what you meant or thought or were going to say even when they are most often wrong. So when you are sick, they somehow think they are sick. Obviously if they deny your illness then they somehow believe it will just go away. If your husband is like mine, he won’t take any advice from anyone. He’ll “jump over dollars to pick up nickels” just to avoid having anyone else tell him what to do. His father was similar. His mother told me that his father got sand in his eyes once at a baseball game and she told him he should put eyedrops in his eyes. Of course, his response was to completely disregard her advice and make her feel stupid for giving that advice at all. Heaven knows if he had put eyedrops in, he must have felt he somehow would be giving up all control over his life. Makes no sense to me whatsoever but that’s how far they go just to maintain control — even over stupid things.

I am trying to figure out if the man I married is abusive or if I am not being a good enough wife. Since getting married I have realized he drinks daily before coming home. He buys alcohol and hides how much he drinks. Comes home and falls asleep after dinner and sometimes before. He denies he has an alcohol problem, will not get help and will not quit. Anytime I try to ask him for help he is passive aggressive. Usually will say yes to doing it but then sits down, doesn’t do it and sometimes does later and sometimes forgets.

When I try to tell him how I am feeling he can get very unkind with his words and state all I do is complain. If he is upset I get the silent treatment. Now he is trying to get others to judge me because I moved my bedroom to an extra room in the house to prevent the arguing in front of kids.

He is trying to make me look like I am abusive because of moving my room and because I do at times say unkind words back. He will not tell others how he treats me so tries to make it look like I am the unkind one. I try so hard not to say unkind words but I do get provoked at times. But I never let it go more than a word or two and I make sure it stops by leaving the room or distancing myself until he calms down.

I keep searching websites and the bible on how to be loving to an unloving husband and I just am not figuring this out. We have children and I can’t leave them with their drunk dad so I have to stay until they are grown. Any suggestions?

How can a man go from being so perfect to a nightmare in just 4 weeks?
I’ve been seeing a guy 2 years, living with a year.
For the past 7 months every 4 weeks we split up it’s crazy! Starts with him crying / begging me back – promising it won’t happen again – I’m his world – never met any one like me – crazy in love – I’m beautiful etc. etc.
He’s just perfect for 3 weeks then cracks start from him giving me silence treatment – I can feel tension – he will say his piece with an attitude, I will explain in a quiet voice it’s not me it’s you ..
He then raises his voice blaming everything on me, then screaming in my face with gritted teeth – clenching his fist, calling me a c **t and other names – I keep silent not to upset him but that makes him worse – if I say anything that also makes him worse. He’s thrown me about in the past, got in my face in an aggressive manner in front of my kids. Controlling, can’t have friends. He doesn’t like my eldest child coming round I can feel it. And each time I kick him out feel strong he begs – cries – pleads – to start all over again. I feel so drained kicked him out once again blocked him as I always do but he uses other phones. I need to stop this. I know I do, but why am I so stupid to let him back?

There are always people complaining in life. There are no good men now. Most of them are idlers. It’s impossible to be with them and let them be with men. It’s better to live alone and live. A relaxed and happy life. This view is very wrong. I can't see the man's merits. I just look at things unilaterally from my own point of view. There are a lot of men with sincerity, maybe people have passed by you, but because you don't know how to cherish, you will miss in the simple world, without retaining people who are worthy of love. Generally speaking, men who truly love you will tell you these words. After you meet them, you must know how to cherish them:

You are a good woman

I love you very much, I love you very much, but I can only give up on you...

I think this mood is also suitable for you - you, my dear lover, I can feel your affectionate love for me, however, you have to give up on me...

To be honest, I love you very much, love to the extreme, and love the extent of incorrigible illness. Even, in order to love you can use my life to protect you. However, although this love is so strong, so blazing, so sincere. However, there are some things, even if we love another person, even if we try our best, we can't change it. For example, we all have a family. We all have our own families. We have a companion around us. We all have our own children. We can't change the status quo of this real life: we met too late, we walked into marriage when we didn't know how to love. However, when we understand love, we do not fall in love with each other again...

Not only that, although we love each other deeply, apart from our responsibility to keep up with our children and families, we are also a person with a conscience: we can not build happiness on our other half just for ourselves. To hurt him (her); we are also a person who can't break the moral judgment: we are all afraid that because this love has become a person in other populations who has no moral bottom line and destroys others' families; we are still unable to put it on the shoulders. The person responsible: If we come together, we must give up the child. Think about the child's helpless eyes and the days after we left, there is no longer the courage to pursue love for ourselves.

Perhaps this is the true portrayal of the current state of love for our adults - we have love and have people we truly love. However, sometimes reality does not allow us to ignore the responsibility on our shoulders for love, and does not allow us to disregard the feelings of children and the elderly in pursuit of their own happiness. Even we can't do it to hurt someone who doesn't love but stays with them...

Therefore, in reality, we and love, although at your fingertips, are separated by a distance of 100,000 miles...

Love, falling in love with a person, only requires a blink of an eye. And letting a lover who has already lived in his heart may take us a lifetime.

Maybe, we are not only paying for the rest of our lives to forget the one we once loved deeply, we may have the happiness of our own life - because when we let go of that person, our heart is dead. . Since then, love has nothing to do with us, and my heart is gray...

Love a person, love to the extreme, then, when you have to let go of this person, it is bound to hurt the extreme. It takes courage to let go of a relationship and let go of someone who is deeply in love. However, this courage is the rest of our lives..

Not all love has a result, and not all loved couples can finally make a positive result. Sometimes, I really want to sigh a fate to get people or fate is not enough, why is it only enough to meet the fate of the fate of the encounter?

Always thinking, if you haven’t missed or insisted on a relationship, will the results be completely different now? There is a saying that is very good. Anyone who marries a woman regrets it. Anyone who has married a man regrets it.

Therefore, no matter who is married or who is married, it seems that they are not able to do so. What you haven't got and what you have lost may make you miss your life, but it's really together, maybe not as beautiful as you think. There is a kind of love, no marriage, but also care!

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Some people can miss and be happy.

You will think of a person because of a song or a picture, think of all the past you have, and then sigh that this life is not, can't grow old, can't look at the other day. Maybe you can see it in a few years. When you miss him, you will look at his circle of friends, but after all, I can't make a phone call to him.

Sometimes I think that it is a kind of happiness for someone to miss, but it is much better than nothing in my heart. No matter what the memories of the past are, at least the moment you think of him, the heart is satisfied and gratifying. Your heart will hurt, maybe because there is still love, the life of this love is much longer than you think.

No matter what reason you are in the world of each other, you still have to believe that everything is the best arrangement. Ok, maybe this is just an excuse to make us better. However, obsessing with the past is indeed a harm to yourself.

It was April, when it was time to enter the university and find a job and a new relationship. This time, I will introduce the main points and measures that often cause trouble when creating a new relationship.

"I feel that I can't get along with my neighbors."

When living in a new environment begins, the voice of people who speak near you becomes anxious. For example, in a new employee's entrance ceremony or training, someone who knows a small face may start talking, or someone who meets at the venue may start talking. When I started this conversation in the next seat, "I want to know if I feel that I can't get along?" "Why can't I say it" "I feel that I can't get along" and think about things, and may become anxious.But in fact, most people who talk next to you don't care about you at all. It's just talking to another person for some minor reason, such as "Because my seat and next door" and "Because I have eyes" instead of "Let's stop talking because it's hard to talk."If you start talking to someone next to you, you will find that they don't remember your impression before starting the conversation. Like this, there are a lot of things that I care about, but not really. If you are brave and try to say it, it will create a new relationship.

Speaking of things, you are a very good person and a common experience.

"If you talk, will you bother?"

When you find colleagues, old people, classmates, etc. in front of you, it may not be that you are just hanging out without doing anything. If you are a company, you will always do some work. If you are at school, you may talk to other students. At that time, the idea that emerged after that was the idea. "Now, it might be annoying to say it?"If this is the case, ask yourself, "Well, if you talk to me, do you think this will be annoying?" For example, when organizing on the desktop, you may be asked: "Sorry, what do I ask you to ask? Question?" When I talked to someone, when I asked: "I'm sorry, I want to go a little more?" Do you think "I am a good friend now"? Many people try to respond to their voices when they are called, and they don't think they are annoying. Changing your position and thinking will give you some courage.

“Even if you speak, it will be ignored/will be ignored”

I greeted, but did not come back. "I am sorry," "I asked a little," but I think everyone has a neglected experience. If you have such an experience, you will think that when you want to talk, you will say, "If you ignore it, I will hate it."However, we did not try to ignore the other party that was actually asked, and in most cases we did not know. For example, when I am busy with work, I think even if I am walking. In this case, you may not even notice that you have been summoned. Similarly, if you are working, you will focus on the task ahead. If you are talking to someone, you will not notice that you have already said it.Therefore, when talking to the other party, it is very important to say "know the other party." In order to know, the voice and size, adjust the eyes of each other, it will be the first one in such as "Hello", "I'm sorry" to attract attention to yourself becomes very important.

"I feel nervous before I speak."

Before I say it, I will feel nervous in various ways. In addition to what I have seen so far, tension can occur in a variety of ways. For example, there may be various fears and tensions, such as "What if you are a terrible person?", "What if you are rejected?" No.I know that before I say this, I think I have a lot of anxiety. If you have such anxiety, you are likely to be aware of those who are willing to talk and cannot speak after 3 seconds.When thinking, "after the simulation..." and "organizing what you said...after" will only cause anxiety. In an actual conversation, even if it is very or not organized, it will be transmitted. If you are brave and increase your voice, the tension before you speak will gradually weaken.

Summary

The first step in building a new relationship is to say it. If you say a lot, you can find someone who can get along with you. Keep in mind the tips here to help build new relationships.